1980
So off I went to Minnesota, as planned. John and Kelly picked me up at the Minneapolis/St. Paul Airport three hours from Duluth. I was excited and felt like an adult. I’d planned on staying with my sister for three months, until I could get on my feet and find a place of my own. When we got into the car, John said for me to sit up in front in the middle. I thought it was odd, but I was excited.
My cat Doobie was experiencing extreme distress from the airplane ride in the luggage compartment, and I was very concerned about him when we arrived at my sister’s. He was backed into his carrier as far as he could go and wouldn’t come out. I was quite ignorant when it came to proper cat care, and didn’t know what to do. He also wouldn’t eat or drink.
I took him to my room which was also the workout room, and prepared for bed. The next day, my sister said Doobie had to go outside and couldn’t be in the apartment. I was appalled and tried to reason with her. But no, she started yelling. He had come out of his carrier by then, and cried all night in the room with me. He needed time to adjust!
We put him outside and he immediately ran off, and I never saw him again. I was truly broken hearted, and John seized the opportunity to start manipulating me again. What do I mean by that? One morning, I was depressed and in bed. While Dana was at Head Start, and Kelly was out running errands, John entered the room, sat down on the cot with me, and said that he loved me. I just said, “Oh,” and nothing else. It was in that moment that I should have told him to get the f**k away from me, but I didn’t know how to counteract a master manipulator who was 17 years my senior.
John continued to try to find ways to manipulate me. Not everything worked. He told Kelly that if I wanted to make some money, he and I could go cherry picking on a farm that was hiring for three days. I thought, “Go away with John for three days to pick cherries?” I said that if John wanted to make some extra cash, he could pick cherries, but I wasn’t going. I, on the other hand, hadn’t run out of money yet and was still able to pay my bills.
With Kelly gone to California, it was John, Dana, and me in the apartment. John, of course, took full advantage of the situation, and given my background of coming from an abusive home, I never stood a chance.
We were in a full-fledged relationship, John and I. Dana was the innocent victim in all of this, and what happened was wrong. Even after 44 years, I am still profoundly affected by what occurred.
I experienced horrible guilt, and got really drunk one night while living at the YWCA. Kelly had returned from California, and I secured employment at a non-profit organization. I informed John that when I turned 20 years old, I was returning to California to get away from the situation. John appeared to be devastated by my decision. Kelly was happy about it. I was going to miss Dana, though, but that certainly wasn’t reason enough to stay.
That was my last drunk. The hangover I experienced lasted for two days. I knew by then that alcohol went from being my best friend to being my worst enemy, and that it was going to kill me if I didn’t stop. That’s not how I wanted to die.
