James and I were living together in Martinez in a spacious three story house. Bob, Dana, and her two daughters, Marie and Kristine, all drove to California to lay Kelly’s ashes to rest. I could smell Peppermint Schnapps on Dana’s breath. While returning to Minnesota, Bob said to
Dana, “When we get back, I want you to get the f**k out of my house!”
My brother Lucas, equally concerned for Dana's welfare, was imploring me from Wyoming to help Dana. During this time, I consistently sent Dana care packages, flowers, and text messages to let her know how much I loved her.
I was in contact with Dana’s Auntie in Duluth, who told me that it was Dana’s decision whether or not to go to the hospital, not mine, despite Dana having hallucinations. Following that, I contacted my father, who insisted that Dana was fine, and that Bob was taking good care of her. However, when I asked Dana if Bob was drinking, too, she said he was, and they weren’t getting along. I then contacted my niece, Donna, about Dana. Donna called her father Devin who was now living in Utah, and asked him what to do. He said there was nothing anyone could do for Dana until she wanted our help. I contacted a cousin of mine in Utah because she was very kind and caring, but she didn’t feel there was anything she could do, either.
In 2012, Dana asked me if she could stay with me, if necessary, and I told her yes. I asked her if she was still drinking, and she said she was. In fact, so heavily, if she cut back, she went through withdrawals. Additionally, she was buying Norco from friends at a rate of three pills for $40, using money that my father was sending her.
On July 5, 2012, I asked Bob to help me relocate Dana to California to stay with me. However, Bob told Dana that he didn’t want her to leave. In text messages with Dana, I asked her if she was still having hallucinations. She texted me with, “Oh no, Auntie, the house is just haunted.” Dana stayed in Sawyer, spending her time in the camper outside where Bob moved her and where it was cold, Dana said.
Prior to Dana's hospitalization in July 2012, I reached out to my father seeking his help with Dana. In an email, he replied that Bob didn’t need my interference and co-dependency. I advised him that Dana was spending the money he was sending her on Peppermint Schnapps and prescription narcotics from friends because she was in so much pain. He said that he was planning to stop sending her money, anyway.
Dana and I continued to stay in touch through texts, and at the end of July, Bob left Dana alone for two days. When I stopped hearing from her, I began to panic, but figured if anything were wrong, Bob would let me know. And he did. Dana had just been admitted to the ICU for alcoholic hepatitis. He found her unresponsive and called 911. This was devastating news. I couldn’t live without my Dana!
I learned from Bob that Dana had been placed in a medically induced coma and put on life support. Her liver failed, her kidneys failed, her lungs failed, as did her heart. Dana’s Auntie, was telling everyone that in order for Dana to heal and come home, we would have to stop talking about her situation in negative terms. I was so bereft that I couldn’t function and lost my job at the American Lung Association.
Bob asked me to update my family because he kept losing my father’s phone number, or so he said. So, I emailed my father and Donna with an update. I heard from my father. In his email, he said to stop contacting family about Dana and saying she was on life support. He admonished me for upsetting family members with my interpretation of the situation and said,
“Dana is not on life support!”
However, she was. Marie and Kristine were in tatters over it. I stayed in contact with Marie’s best friend, Porche, and let her know what really happened with Kelly. My father told everyone that Kelly had slipped and hit her head in the bathroom, and that was how she died. Porche replied that Marie and Kristine deserved to know the truth. I agreed, but the timing wasn’t right.
The decision was eventually made to take Dana off life support, and on August 4, 2012, she passed away in less than 10 minutes. Her remains were cremated and to be buried with her mother, Kelly, in California. Bob, Marie and Kristine, flew in from Minnesota, and there was a memorial service that my father planned.
Since then, I have visited Dana’s grave in San Jose many times. Kelly and Dana were both cremated and buried together. My father generously had my name added to the headstone, and paid in advance for me to be buried with them. They are next to both my brother Jimmy, who passed away in 1978, and my mother, who passed away in 1995. Devin passed away in 2011, and is buried in Utah. My father passed away in 2016, and is buried in Utah. My brother Peter passed away in 2016 and is buried in California. Dana’s dad (Marie and Kristine’s grandpa), passed away in 2018.
My great-nieces, Marie and Kristine are currently residing in Minnesota and are thriving! Marie is now happily married, and I feel immense pride for them both! I haven’t visited Minnesota since 2010, and I greatly miss these two amazing women.
END OF PART I
